the dreaming Press.

Do what you love!

Bees buzzed about and hung heavily on purple thistle nearby as if watching me and what I was up to photographing this treasured shell and picture of my late Grandfather. The day was humid and I was out walking with my journals and my camera and wanted to get this shot in the wood near my house before it was time to head back home. I had done all of the tasks required of my day so I was sneaking in some fun before I had to pick up my children.

I'm sure my ideal day would be just like this; walking around shooting film or digital with just nature and a good mood for company. I've been thinking a lot about how I spend my time. I would love to be more wise when it comes to the how I spend it. So I'm pursuing my love. Photography. Hence I stuck my neck out recently while out for dinner at a beautiful and delicious new local restaurant...met a fabulous lady who was looking for a photographer to shoot an evening event and I took the chance and offered my services and now...

...I've been chosen along with another photographer to shoot a local event and this is causing me some anxiety. As you all know, I shoot for fun. This event in September however, is a real job. With expectations attached to it. {Yikes.}

I will put my heart and soul and passion into it, but there is a little voice inside my head already that is saying, They've hired a professional. What do you think YOU are doing? Do you think you are qualified to do this? Are you like, freakin' nuts or something? Ah I do so wish that little voice would be quiet. Have you ever attempted something bigger than you think you can handle? If so, how did you do it without completely losing faith in yourself? Do share, as I can use all the encouragement you can spare please. I know I'm not the only self taught photographer out there. Am I?

I'm taking the chance. You never know unless you take the chance. Wish me luck! xo {I'll share some of my work here with you when the time comes...}

Imagine their joy!

 

Last Friday morning, my grandfather died.  He was 92.  He came to Canada by ship and landed at Pier 21 when he arrived in Halifax.  He began his new life here in Toronto, and then brought his family over once he was established a year later.  He was a hard worker.  He loved to grow fruit.  He will be missed greatly by all of us who knew him well.

A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says
She is gone.

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large now as when I last saw her.  Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her.

And just at that moment, when someone at my side says she is gone, there are others who are watching her coming over their horizon and other voices take up a glad shout -There she comes!

That is what dying is.
An horizon and just the limit of our sight.

Lift us up O Lord, that we may see further.

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free

~Bishop Brent

***

Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me - but let me go

For this is a journey that we must all take
And each must go alone
It's all a part of the Master's plan
A step on the road to home

When you are lonely, and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me - but let me go

~Anonymous

 

My Grandpa doesn't want a large funeral.  Immediate family only, and no parties!  (He was a very practical guy.)  He came to Toronto, Canada in the early '50's from Portugal to make a better life for his three children and his wife. 

On Friday morning my beloved Grandpa quietly went to a new place, a better place. Those who went before him must have seen him walking towards them and I can only imagine their joy! To see his handsome face once again.  Why I'm sure my Grandma clasped her hands together and then over her mouth all the while talking a mile a minute in Portuguese.  And I am most sure that they are together again, walking along that beach on a most glorious balmy day. 

Til we meet again, Grandpa.  I hold the fondest of memories in my heart that no one can diminish or take away.

I love you.

xoxo

plant your hopes with good seeds~

 
The bread machine works.  It actually works! I made a delightfully sweet whole wheat loaf today and couldn't have been more pleased.  There is a domesticity settling in to my bones now that the crackling cold wails outside (wanting to sap moisture from my skin and brittle my hair into straw.) My only comforts being my children's laughter, my family & my music.  It plays on, warming the very air with each note. I found this photograph of our old office space, it reminded me of a dream-a watercolour awash with it's own notes of green and hazy happinesses.  The swirly 85 year old  glass still intact and hosting a paper solar system, but minus Pluto sadly.  The kids found out about dear old Pluto and so therefore have left it out of every collage, drawing and paper scale model.  But let's not forget that star.  After all, it is still a star right?

Melancholies seep into my bones too, future ones.  I'm already reminiscent of today and tomorrow, days which are filled with joy & an ease that is expected when ones children are so very young.  The world's problems have yet to weigh that heavily on their shoulders.   I laugh at work when talking with my friend about retirement.  We both smile big whenever we think of it.  We expect to retire soon and why not? I'm tired of the old model of waiting until you are 65.  I will retire and then become enveloped in the joys of my family and my hobbies and my life.  I'll travel with them.  I'll travel without them, pop a postcard into the mail for them.  We'll paint, hike and journal.  Bake more breads.  We'll do these things because we are young enough to enjoy them without the aches and pains of being past our prime.  Hey, it is only a dream right now.  But tell me, wherefore would we be if we didn't plan the manifestations of tomorrow? Toiling out our days as per our forefather's notions? Still sadly and unnecessarily believing that money doesn't grow on trees?  Well it does.  In plenty.  Take your bucket to the tree and go fill it, you'll see. 

Then climb that ladder to the stars, the ones that sparkle and shine with the promises and seeds planted of your tomorrows.

xoxo

Just a happy fall day.

Tonight's sunset was exquisite; the kind you pause to look at twice and then linger over, because it's colours will never be duplicated in our lifetimes or ever in fact.  Like fingerprints, sunsets each hold their own uniqueness that must never be repeated, such is the art of life itself.
Gold, turquoise and pink with pewter edged puffs of cumulus cloud strewn across a grand horizon.  It went on forever, as we all do, grudgelessly and tirelessly as is natures way.

The children and I spent the day doing whatever the hell we wanted, mainly eating junk food and running through pumpkin patches collecting up gourds and ghostly white mini pumpkins lovingly dubbed "boos!" and we bought enormous quantities of hot chocolate and cranked the stereo loud as loud could be and whenever we passed by an animal all three of us would yell out it's name, "COW!!!!"

A song.  A wish.  Some love.

xoxo
 

even the flowers look longingly forward...for we all need adventures to look forward to!

Passing by my closet tonight, I noticed a tiny droplet of water on my black suitcase.  We'll call her "Heys".

I stopped in my tracks, spinning to face her I implore, "Sweetie, my little hardcase- what is wrong? Why are you crying?"

Whispering, almost croaking she could barely speak, she squeaks out, "We haven't gone anywhere for awhile.  We...have stayed home a lot lately.  Why haven't you taken me anywhere?"

Dropping to my knees in front of her I begged forgiveness, "Oh, my. I'm so very sorry.  Had I known-"

"Instead of blogging tomorrow, could you scour the internet for flights? I kinda wanted to see Santa Monica....maybe take a yoga class? Take some pictures on the beach? Hang out?" she beams up at me with that wide-eyed suitcasey kind of gaze.

"Ohhhh-kay. I'll see what I can do, little one," patting her on the top of her, uh, handle.

Smiling, the water droplet disappeared into thin air and I wondered for a split second if I had just been ever so slightly manipulated.  Hmph.  Methinks so.  Cheeky suitcase!

xoxo

Quintilllion.

Reasons to get up in the morning:

Running.

Wind.

Doves.

Deepak Chopra.{The world is my mirror, thanks Deepak.}

Adrenalin.

Friends.

Oatmeal.

What more do you need? There are quintilllion reasons. Carve for yourselves a new life today.  You are clay.  {And the artist.}