The daisies were plucked from my front lawn, and the dill from my windowsill planter. The photo was taken just before the rain began. The rain today was pure brilliance.
The worms despite their soaking wet eviction are joyous-as they wondered how survival in the gravelly parched earth would continue. I have a mother robin and three sweet fuzzy/feathery birdlets singing on my hydro meter. I'll go check them in the morning to see how they fared this monsoon. But the winds are low, and the rain is falling straight down-or straight up, from underneath.
I've just turned to look outside. It is dark. Night. My reflection in the glass is one I barely recognize. I'm aging you see, and inside of me I expect that my eyes will see an eleven year old gazing back-one with unruly hair and a unibrow. (Yet with expectant wide eyes and a shy smile.) I now see gaunt cheeks, tired lids, and lines on the backs of my hands. Don't get me wrong-I'm not bothered by this. Only a little surprised. How did I get to become this age?
I used to lay awake as a child, worried over several things but mainly this-'God don't let me die until I experience my 30's. I must live to be at least 30 so I can feel secure, confident, smart. Right now I feel none of those things.'
Now if you take a look back at the thoughts I thought, they were pretty smart then. Only I didn't think so. I felt trapped in my young body-like a cicada waiting to burst out of that restrictive shell of a body yelling-"This is me! I'm really all grown up!" All the while thinking, why do they treat me this way? How dare they? They have no idea that inside I'm an adult!!
I'd like to sit my eleven year old self down. I'd take her hand and say, "Ask me anything. I have the answers now." (Well, forty years worth of answers anyways. I'm sure if I'm fortunate the next forty will bring me that much closer.)
So instead-I'll take my ten year old's hand, and ask her if she has any questions about life? And I'll do my best to let my inner eleven year old calm her fears. Peer to peer.
xoxox Dreams matter. So dream BIG.
p.s. So honoured that Typepad sees fit to showcase my little blog under the "Creatives" blog category for photography. Thank you!
I love all you share
Blessings sweet friend
Posted by: Jeanne | June 03, 2010 at 07:04 AM
I think it is never too late to sit that 11 year old version of yourself down and let her ask away. If she is visiting your thoughts now, she may just have something to tell you as well !
This aging thing is quite something. As I hit 45 this year I have that same feeling of how did it all get here so fast? Ahhh to have a chance to do it all again withwhat I am learning now...many that is what Heaven is for ?
In the mean time, let's live the heck out of this precious life, right this minute !
Big Love to you, you ageless beauty ! ;)
Posted by: Kim Mailhot | June 03, 2010 at 07:05 AM
Congratulations on being honored by Typepad.
What special thoughts well written. I have looked at my shoes sometimes and wondered why I was wearing big peoples shoes when I am still a little girl tucked away somewhere inside of me.
Posted by: Marilyn | June 03, 2010 at 08:38 PM
Even better, I sat my ten year old down tonight and we spent an hour and a half talking about things that are bothering her. Maybe in my empathetic way I simply picked up on her troubles, I'm happy we addressed them anyways...kids need us so much and yet are reluctant to reach out.
I'm living the heck out of life, indeed! Thanks Kim xoxo
Posted by: gillian of the dreamingPress | June 03, 2010 at 10:57 PM
I know exactly what you mean. Only I'm forever 17, not 11.
Posted by: Relyn | June 03, 2010 at 11:00 PM
Love the post. I too can relate. Also, I am in LOVE with the picture! It is gorgeous!!!
Posted by: Lori S. | June 04, 2010 at 12:28 AM
last night kath told me she was heading out to the backyard to bbq chicken, in spite of the "w's" all over the patio. she can't even say the word worm.
Posted by: margie | June 04, 2010 at 09:15 AM
such love here.
xo
Posted by: christina | June 05, 2010 at 05:24 PM
you are lovely xo
Posted by: Tanya @ Life in 3D | June 06, 2010 at 01:06 PM
i love this post! i am still in so many ways that eleven year old girl. these past days i've also been surprised - even had smallish panic attacks when i've looked in the mirror... or seen a photo... looked at my hands...
thank you for the post! it's beautiful...
Posted by: Account Deleted | June 06, 2010 at 02:27 PM
Such a pretty picture Gill.
xx
Posted by: gemma | June 06, 2010 at 09:13 PM
I'm coming up on another birthday and I cannot reconcile the woman in the mirror with the girl I feel I still am. Soul sisters, me and you.
Posted by: Donna | June 06, 2010 at 10:50 PM