life spirals onwards :)

Thanks for all your sweet comments on my last post...you guys made the experience that much more fun. I'm so glad I shared it with you!

The flowers in this mason jar are black eyed Susan's.  When cut they seem to last forever.  I know you aren't supposed to put the leaves in, because they rot and cloud the water. But this time they didn't do that.  Even though I was lazy and left them on there. I just picked them and shoved them in the jar quite unceremoniously. 

I spent the evening in pj's with my two daughters.  A much needed break from last nights Ultimate Fight Challenge.  The verbal version.  We all three of us had ourselves a good old fashioned spat before bed last night.  So we needed the time together to mend what had been fractured.  Namely our spirits.  We tend to have this 90/10 ratio going on.  Being women and all.  Yes, even three year old girls have moods.  Eight year old girls have selective hearing.  And thirty seven year olds have short tempers when having to repeat themselves 100 times.  The 90 percent is times we get along well.  Swimmingly.  The ten is usually the straw that breaks the camels back.  Last night there were a couple of injured camels.  So to speak.  Metaphorically of course. 

We made a big bowl of popcorn.  We watched Shrek.  We painted our toenails.  We made an appointment in Outlook for October 24th because, brace yourselves, High School Musical 3 is going to be out in theatres.  My older daughter is a huge fan.  Who doesn't love a musical?  I love that campy Ryan Evans character myself.

So basically, we "smoked the peace-pipe".  I expect us to go through these moments again.  And again.  After all, they aren't even teenagers yet.  And with each new moment for them, it is going to be new for me too, because I've never parented an eight year old before, or a nine year old, or a sixteen year old...right?  So new territory is something our relationships will have to endure.  They are two very different little girls.  The older one is good as gold.  99% of the time.  The little one is a holy terror. She is into everything!  Let's just say I have my work cut out for me.  Thank goodness I love them both more than life itself.  (Or I'd really be in trouble.)

I remember going through similar things with my own mother.  Both of us being strong willed, and determined.  I am witnessing this reflection in my daughters and I.  Life spirals onwards, the ghosts of yesterday, my old "selves" are seen in my daughters eyes.  I must remember how it felt to look through those eyes.  I've almost forgotten.  Looking with the eyes of a mother you sometimes miss a thing or two.  Before my kids were born, I remember my sister in law giving my niece a stern word or two over something, she was being sulky, and my sister in law wasn't in the mood.  I remember thinking at the time, I'll never speak to my kids like that.  I remember what it is like to be a kid, and it sucks when your parent's speak to you that way. My how things change when you need to discipline your own kids.  I also remember telling myself I'd never feed my kids MacDonald's.  I can assure you, they've had a Happy Meal or two.

So as the two little knuckleheads sleep peacefully upstairs...I am still wrestling in the ring with the Guilt of Parenthood.  I had her pinned, and she was almost down for the count, but she popped back up again and had me in a headlock.  Boy, that Guilt is strong! I am such a chicken at heart, an escapist, I wonder if had I been given a choice, would I have chosen Parenthood as a main dish, with a side order of Guilt and Worry?  Yes, I suppose I would have.  I cannot imagine my life without my children in it.  As much as Parenthood pains me somedays, with it's Right Upper Cuts to the chin and it's Low Blows...I'm not Tapping Out. After all, that is only the ten percent.  I'm staying in the ring.  For better or worse.  Maybe then my children will grow up as I did and turn out Not Half Bad.  In fact, I'm willing to bet they turn out much better than I do, because like every other Good Parent out there, I'm convinced that they will.

It's the 90 percent that keeps me sane.  The grand moments of them eating their suppers, not arguing with each other, listening well, laughing, playing, hugging me like mad, kissing me like mad, telling me over and over again that they love me, and when they hug each other.  Those moments could keep even the craziest person afloat. 

This post is dedicated to all the crazy and insane parents out there.  Hang on!!! This too shall pass.

xo

Comments

[Sheila]

As your Grandmother was fond of saying
"You don't get tame rabbits out of wild ones"
I remember those days with you and your brother, the final straw days. Everyone has them, to send them to bed with your voice ringing in their ears is good for a deluxe guilt trip and all the excursions on offer.
To kiss and make up, and remember they are only 8 and 3 and it's on the job training for all of you is the best way to conclude the episode.
Who knew my wild child would turn into such a loving, responsible and patient Mum..?
You are doing a great job..
Keep on doing what you are doing.
love
your dedicated, crazy and insane Mother
xx

[somepinkflowers]

oh
what a good posting!

i have no children
but if i did
i hope i would feel the same way
about raising them.

strong~willed and determined
makes for successful survivors,
don't you think?

:-)

and this--->Guilt of Parenthood,
well,
i imagine that would be needed
to help balance out
this---->Joy of Parenthood
so that your sweeties
turn out Normal.

what do i know!?!?
well,
my mom turned me out OK,
i am thinking...
as did yours, missy.

[Heather]

I second 'somepinkflowers'!

[Scarlet]

Thanks for reminding me, I'm not alone in this crazy parenting world without a manual. I have days like these A LOT now that I have a 12-year old who's going on 21, who knows everything, like I did when I was 14 (they start younger now!). Preparate, Chica...it's all worth it though, as you say. It's madness but a madness I can't live without.

You sound like an awesome mom, btw. A balanced woman. They gotta love ya! I love ya, too! ;) Cuidate, niña!

[kai]

Aloha Blue,
I don't know how many times I've threatened my daughter with "instant" death over something she has done..Angel/holy terror that she is..
We call each other every day now, just to say hello.. We are both strong willed, but know when to say sorry..and that's more important to both of us..
Shelia did a wonderful job with you!!
and in turn you are a great mummy to your angels.. :)
Peace, Kaibirdie. xx

[Lisa P]

Oh soul sister..I was in tears reading this. I too know the mommy guilt you speak of all too well. There are times I lie awake at night wanting to take something back or wishing I had handled a 5 year old dilemma better. Nothing tears your down more than being a mom. But nothing builds you back up more either. Crazy....CRAZY!!
I had a little spat with Aiden the other morning and lost it a little on him. He was near tears and he said "Would you like it if I made you feel like this?" When I said no he said "Then why did you do it to me?" Now THAT my friend tore me to the quick. He is quite wise my boy is. In an instant my anger was diffused and guilt took over but there was love...so much love. Amazing creatures to have so much power of us eh?
You are a wonderful, wonderful mummy! Kudos to Sheila for having a hand in that.

[gemma]

Your girls are blessed to have you as a mom.
You love them enough to make boundaries for them. Kids with no limits are miserable and insecure...I work with some of them who get away with murder because their parents can't be bothered with the hassle it takes to say "NO".

[Wayfaring Wanderer]

I had her pinned, and she was almost down for the count, but she popped back up again and had me in a headlock.......LOVE THAT! I don't know anything about being a parent, but I think you have an awesome attitude about the give and take it requires.

[devil mood]

Aww, this is such a lovely post!
:)
What a great night you had!

[robin bird]

this is very past tense experience for me but memories return quickly as i watch rachel with olivia. you are such a good mom for posting this honest description of the day before and the day after. any other mom reading has the opportunity to give up her guilt..at least for today :)
xo

[rochambeau]

Hi Friend,
A Peace Pipe!!!!!!!

Note to self:
Must buy a Peace Pipe.
Listen to Gillian!! Yes!!
What a handy object! And not to big.
Must remember find mine and carry it at all times!!
Because you never know.
;-)

Love you,
Constance

[Epiphany]

The relationship between mothers and daughters is especially complex. Your girls are so fortunate to have you as their mom. You consider the repercussions of your - and their - behavior deeply. ...and you are as human as the rest of us, Gill. Just tell that ol' guilt to take a hike, and know in your heart that you will always do the very best you can in the moment, and that will always be okay because it comes from such a loving soul.

[Paris Parfait]

Yes, it all passes - these are phases and thankfully, the relationships improve. You are a great mom and I'm sure both your daughters will someday thank you! Missed you while I was in London. xoxox

[India J]

I've just arrived here from god-knows-where - glad I found your blog though - I can soo relate to what you're going through.
As a mother of two girls: 18 and 14, may I just say, it does get better (and sometimes alot worse before then getting better "for good"..!) so just keep to your principles and remember, it's a caring and loving parent that says NO and means it..!